are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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