Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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