In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
