so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
