Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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