before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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