After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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