Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
