Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Randomize
