I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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