I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
