You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
