after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
