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• (602): View more from Arizona

  i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.

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• (936): View more from Texas

  Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"

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• (949): View more from California

  We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.

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