I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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