whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
