I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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