I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We don't watch enough power rangers
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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