I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
