Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
