We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
