Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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