I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
