C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
