conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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