I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
