My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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