she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
