I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
should my penis look like a turkey
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
