my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
