I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
