If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
