I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
