i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
