I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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