I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I touched a dick in church today
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..