I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive