Small penises have feelings too.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
