i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol