why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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