Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
