So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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