I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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