I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
