I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
