she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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