I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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