one two three fourrrrnication!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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