and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
