she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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