i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
