I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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