Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
