I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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