her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
