Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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