and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
