I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
