Just mADE A PArabola og urine
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
