What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm both gender and math confused
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
