first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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