I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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