He disabled his match.com account in front of me
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
