11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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