I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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