i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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