Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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