never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
