just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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