He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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