I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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