Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I will be naked everywhere
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Randomize
