I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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