God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize