I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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