I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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