is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
