Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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