dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
