plz talk dirty to me
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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