just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
