so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
two words: eviction party
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
