Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize